Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
