I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
