when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
