shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
