Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
