Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize