I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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