Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
