This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
