Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
