I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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