My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
