In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
