just come out here and I will go home with you...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
