I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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