I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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