I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
