I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
