Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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