Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
