she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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