I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
