You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
