Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
