You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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