Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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