..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's blow job season.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
