Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
