I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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