My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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