How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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