You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
two words: eviction party
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
