Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
