Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
