I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
