I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
