My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
