he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
