never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
