Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
