You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
