Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
