someone get that fucking seahorse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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