I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
