At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
