I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you never un-have a 4some
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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