I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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