I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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