I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
