I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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