That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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