i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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