Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she looked like the before picture.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
