You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
