he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And then my night got REAL pukey
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
