Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
