Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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