So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
