Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
