I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
