Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
