I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
