I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
