I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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