I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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