ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
