Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
