Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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