This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
