I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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