butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
