you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
