What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
