i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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