Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize