she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
