I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dignity is for republicans.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?