Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

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  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (6285) Bad night (815)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.

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  (307): Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR. http://tfl.nu/n9la
  Replies (25) Good night (4769) Bad night (1022)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.

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  (515): Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas. http://tfl.nu/4rik
  Replies (59) Good night (2254) Bad night (6954)
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  (530): View more from California

  There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them

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  (530): There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them http://tfl.nu/te5k
  Replies (15) Good night (4660) Bad night (1709)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD

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  (781): Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD http://tfl.nu/rpdj
  Replies (10) Good night (1124) Bad night (3285)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.

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  (914): Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging. http://tfl.nu/hkzz
  Replies (3) Good night (1691) Bad night (517)
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  (805): View more from California

  So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka

  (1-805): View more from California

  Sweet. Did I win?

  (805): View more from California

  Youre hungover arent you?

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  (805): So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka (1-805): Sweet. Did I win? (805): Youre hungover arent you? http://tfl.nu/l89i
  Replies (4) Good night (2936) Bad night (612)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.

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  (717): Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers. http://tfl.nu/8bi9
  Replies (6) Good night (1363) Bad night (544)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.

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  (540): Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life. http://tfl.nu/lage
  Replies (5) Good night (406) Bad night (1018)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."

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  (478): I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you." http://tfl.nu/9ihc
  Replies (1) Good night (423) Bad night (1014)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.

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  (480): This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help. http://tfl.nu/vra3
  Replies (5) Good night (462) Bad night (541)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it

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  (636): I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it http://tfl.nu/ihkd
  Replies (2) Good night (860) Bad night (356)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?

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  (+44): i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love? http://tfl.nu/u8h5
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (315)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.

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  (954): He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches. http://tfl.nu/q04i
  Replies (3) Good night (241) Bad night (379)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.

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  (301): You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins. http://tfl.nu/7khe
  Replies (4) Good night (201) Bad night (653)

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