Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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