there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we made out on top of his cat.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?