I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
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Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑