it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs