Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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(914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq

Replies (49) Good night (4185) Bad night (1574)
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(847): View more from Illinois

is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?

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(847): is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder? http://tfl.nu/zxu8

Replies (105) Good night (1973) Bad night (2136)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.

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(314): I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt. http://tfl.nu/c3u1

Replies (4) Good night (719) Bad night (955)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.

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(706): I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom. http://tfl.nu/0mx3

Replies (28) Good night (4897) Bad night (929)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree

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(617): I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree http://tfl.nu/6ra8

Replies (23) Good night (6233) Bad night (1124)
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(+61): View more from Australia

There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.

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(+61): There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye. http://tfl.nu/nvha

Replies (1) Good night (1558) Bad night (1276)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.

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(403): this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property. http://tfl.nu/0jew

Replies (3) Good night (1703) Bad night (834)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team

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(775): I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team http://tfl.nu/crbx

Replies (3) Good night (1460) Bad night (594)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.

(770): View more from Georgia

That's the only definition of lonely that I know.

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(910): Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely. (770): That's the only definition of lonely that I know. http://tfl.nu/dtij

Replies (8) Good night (2220) Bad night (794)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.

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(610): its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate. http://tfl.nu/xmo4

Replies (5) Good night (1683) Bad night (621)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it

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(+44): He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it http://tfl.nu/n5kq

Replies (10) Good night (1719) Bad night (410)
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(850): View more from Florida

I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.

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(850): I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind. http://tfl.nu/d3v3

Replies (5) Good night (467) Bad night (747)
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(954): View more from Florida

Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk

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(954): Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk http://tfl.nu/mlfk

Replies (3) Good night (358) Bad night (689)
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(210): View more from Texas

It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.

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(210): It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings. http://tfl.nu/yuk8

Replies (0) Good night (439) Bad night (217)
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(416): View more from Toronto

No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower

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(416): No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower http://tfl.nu/t3qe

Replies (0) Good night (598) Bad night (276)

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